You may have heard that if you want something enough anything is possible. While the desire to achieve something can drive motivation, when taken to excess there are many drawbacks. In his book Barking up the Wrong Tree, Eric Barker shares examples of people who were exceedingly good at their profession but this came at great cost. When we are hyper-focused to the point that we become obsessed we neglect many other parts of our lives including our health and relationships.
Do you know why you want what you want? Many of the things we pursue, we do so for external reasons or to please others. Entrepreneur Peter Thiel once commented that he didn’t believe competition was a good thing because it can cause us to focus on the wrong things. We focus on getting good grades rather than if we are learning something useful. We compete for more money rather than seeking to add value and find fulfilment. But there are many reasons we pursue things only to realise it is not really what we want. Knowing why you want what you want can guide you in deciding what you are willing to do to get it.
Many of our behaviours in life are based on a variety of strategies. These strategies are based on particular beliefs and the origin of these beliefs is sometimes derived from interpretations or perceptions of particular events in our past. If we grew up poor or we saw our parents struggle to make ends meet we may be hyper-focused on earning money or becoming wealthy. If we have been disappointed we may use that to fuel our drive to succeed, the way Michael Jordan was driven to improve after getting cut from his high school basketball team. We may have felt unloved as a child and then become obsessed with finding love and acceptance. No of these examples are necessarily wrong but taken to extremes can cause a great deal of unhappiness.
The question I recommend to anyone pursuing a particular goal is not how much you want it but rather: is it worth pursuing? If you have the ability and desire to be among the best by all means pursue it, assuming you have a passion for it and if fulfils you. Also remember that you are not in competition with anyone else, only with who you were yesterday. Finally, make sure you are not in conflict with your values in pursuit of what you think you want.
Those who achieve great things in life often do so at a great personal cost. To become the best at anything in life requires focus, determination and sacrifice. As much as we all have something to contribute in life, most of us will never be the best or even among the best in the world at anything. I include myself in this category. I will unlikely be considered the best coach or the best writer but I still add value to the lives of others. I may not affect millions of people but for those who have told me I have helped change their lives or inspired them through my words, it has made my work worthwhile. If I am one day recognised as one of the best in what I do, it will have been motivated by my curiosity, passion, and desire to help others, not an obsession for being the best. And I will not have sacrificed other things that are equally important to me. Obsessing on any one thing, much like having tunnel vision, will cause us to lose sight of many opportunities in life, including opportunities for happiness.
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