Understanding Power

It has long been my belief that those seeking power are driven by fear. Power gives some a sense of control, and this illusion of control soothes a variety of fears. Perhaps in our workplace, we seek power and influence to feel in control. We want control to help overcome our sense of helplessness or fear of an uncertain future. In relationships, we seek power through manipulation due to our insecurities.

Regardless of how little or much we seek power, we also give power in many ways. We give power to our habits and to the influence of others. Think about when you say, that person makes me angry or that situation makes me feel a certain way. Although we may not be aware of it, we allow people to trigger and influence what we think, feel, and believe. We give power to the systems around us, whether we believe in them or not, simply through our participation in them. We give power to our devices, allowing notifications and screens to dictate our attention.

True power is learning to control yourself so that your actions are driven by clear intentions rather than by reaction to the outside world or to negative emotions. There is power in awareness and presence, because our only real power is in the now. Epictetus believed the only thing we can truly control is the way we think. Everything else—our reputation, our circumstances, the behavior of others—remains outside our control. And yet, from that small but steady centre, our choices ripple outward into everything we do.

Practically, this means noticing the urge to prove ourselves at work and instead asking: what is truly needed here? It means pausing in a heated argument and choosing words that reflect our values rather than our fears. It means recognizing when we are acting from insecurity and shifting toward honesty instead. In each of these moments, we reclaim the power that might otherwise be given away.

The paradox is that the less we seek to dominate, the more grounded our influence becomes. Power rooted in fear is brittle; power rooted in authentic values is unshakable. And when we no longer need to control everything around us, we discover something deeper than power: the freedom to live with peace, clarity, and joy.

Ultimately, perhaps the truest power is not the ability to control but the ability to see clearly.  This level of awareness allows us to live in a way that creates authentic happiness.