Defining your happiness

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with a good friend. On this occasion, I was home before midnight while he, I’m sure, went on to enjoy the company of friends until the early hours of the morning. We are very different people with very different lives even though we used to work together in the drinks business many years ago. Years ago a colleague even commented that it was odd that we were friends, noting that they could not imagine what we would have in common to talk about. And yet we get along very well. 

This friend has a beautiful family and from what I can tell a wonderful relationship with his amazing wife, not to mention is many friends. His life seems very full. He is good at his job and seems to enjoy it. Every weekend is planned with fun activities and they enjoy several vacations together each year. If I had to summarise his definition of happiness I suspect it would be in line with that of Epicurus who believed life should be fun and enjoyed with friends. I am not sure if he has taken the time to contemplate the deeper questions in life. When I steer our conversation towards a philosophical topic that interests me it usually does not go far. He is intelligent though, but also enjoys a good laugh and always has a joke at his disposal. Despite his somewhat hedonistic approach to living, he is not selfish and I have known him to be both kind and honest. 

My own views on happiness are more in line with those of Abraham Maslow and Viktor Frankl. A life filled with vacations and frequent nights drinking beer and wine with friends would not satisfy me. That is not to say that I don’t enjoy time spent this way on occasion as well but my happiness does not rely on this type of life. I require a sense of purpose and meaning in my life. Some people find this purpose in raising children which I do not have. As much as I enjoy time with friends, I need time alone to contemplate life and it pleases me to have creative outlets life writing. I need to feel that I continue to grow while I achieve more and more of my potential and I am more satisfied when I can pass this knowledge on to others. This is the life that makes me happy. Although I consider myself to have a high level of ethics I have been dishonest in the past and have not always lived up to my moral standards. I add this to explain that I do not consider my values to be better or worse than those of my friend. I have my strengths and weaknesses like everyone else. 

My point is that we are two people with very different approaches to life but both find ways to be happy without judging the other. I respect him and on the rare occasion would like to live a little more as he does. He obviously does not think too critically about my views on life because he makes an effort to keep in touch not to mention I have been the godfather to his son these past nine years. A mentoring role which I take very seriously. We are both clear on what makes us happy. Are you clear on the life that makes you happy? Or do you live life by other peoples standards? Many people follow external cues to find their way to happiness but it is an inside job and no one can tell you the right way to do it. When you clearly define your own happiness regardless of what others think, say or do, you will begin to make choices that fill your life with more happy moments.