Feeling appreciation does not equal feeling happy.

Have you ever stayed at a job or in a relationship because you tried to focus on the good things and ignore the bad things? This can be a good strategy until you find something better but not if it keeps you stuck where you are. There are many things I appreciated about previous jobs or past relationships but even so, at some point, I was not happy any longer. Letting go is an important lesson to learn.   On my journey in life the I first learned to be more grateful for all kinds of people and situations and then I need to learn not let gratitude stop me from moving forward and making changes.

In life we all have ups and downs and challenges to overcome. I appreciate all of these opportunities because of the growth they afforded me. In fact, I am grateful for many things in my life that frustrated me at the time I experienced them.  But my appreciation does not undermine my desire for growth and change. Appreciation is not meant to make you settle for less than you can have in life. As much as happiness can depend on a state of mind or a way of looking at things, unhappiness can also be a signal that it is time for something to change. It takes a good deal of self-awareness to recognise when your discontent is coming for negative thoughts or a deeper need for change.

Gratitude and generally finding more ways to appreciate what you have is a great way to generate more happiness in your life. However, sometimes when I recommend clients to do some kind of daily routine around gratitude I find they sometimes try to talk themselves into appreciating things because they should. Doing things out of obligation is not authentic and only covers up changes that you need to make to find authentic happiness and ignoring what makes you unhappy will only cause it to fester in your unconscious. If you have to talk yourself into gratitude you are not there yet.

Finding a way to appreciate the things and experiences you don’t like can be a good thing because your dislike of them will probably motivate change.  In fact, I encourage you to appreciate everything life brings you but those things you tolerate because you are trying to find the good in them can keep you stuck. You may want to let go first and find gratitude later. You can appreciate things for the contrast they provide because when you know what you don’t want what you do want will become clearer. Just don’t let your appreciation stop you from making the changes in life that allow for more happiness.