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The complaining mind

Writer's picture: Peter TeuscherPeter Teuscher



Last week I was out for dinner with some family in Switzerland and near us, another patron was drawing the attention of some other people in the restaurant including my uncle and cousin, who were seated across from me. I had my back to the table but could hear a man behind me having a conversation.  Without wanting to eavesdrop, I could nevertheless, not help but notice that he was complaining.  As he got louder and began using some expletives I gave in to my impulse to look over at him. It was then when it became clear to me that he was sitting alone which helped me understand the strange looks other people in the restaurant had been giving him.


It may have been that this man had some kind of psychological condition, perhaps he suffered from Tourette Syndrome, but was he really so different than most people?  From an outside perspective, the only thing different about him was that he vocalised what he was thinking.  Imagine if you said many of the things aloud that you keep restricted to the privacy of your thoughts. How crazy would some of your thoughts sound if spoken aloud?  I know I would be quite embarrassed if I said everything that crossed my mind. After all, can you stop some of the thoughts that emerge in your brain?


Many of us have minds that are out of control inundating us with all kinds of random thoughts and scenarios that are unhelpful or at times nonsensical. Image if you spoke these aloud. Yet as long as we keep these thoughts hidden from the outside world we accept or tolerate them. What people often do not recognise is their thoughts have a strong impact on how they feel.  A mind full of complaining thoughts will make you miserable.  Maybe it would be a good thing if more people vocalised their thoughts. The benefit would be a keener awareness of our thinking which might allow us to stop accepting these thoughts and encourage us to do something about them.


Your mind can be trained.  You can make a habit of focussing on more productive thoughts. Be aware of the thoughts that frequently fill your mind and shift your focus when these are overly negative or unproductive. There are many ways to do this. Similar to meditation, you can focus on your breathing and take some deep breathes to calm down. Admittedly this is difficult to do when your mind is full of worries, however, you can also think different thoughts.  For example, you can make a mental list of what you are grateful for.  You can go back to a fond memory or think about your favourite person in the world. Much like changing the topic in a conversation, you can change the direction of your thoughts.  It takes practice but it is possible.


A complaining mind is no way to go through life. Your negative thoughts will not lead you to solutions for the challenges you may face.  They will only keep you stuck. In fact, negative thoughts can be like quicksand taking you in a downward spiral leading to unhappiness or even depression. Know that you can train your mind to think differently. This doesn’t mean you will eliminate negative thoughts but they will no longer overwhelm you.  Reflect and be aware of the thoughts that go through your mind on a regular basis and then practice changing those thoughts that don’t support your happiness.  I recommend you start with your inner complaining.

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