What memories are you creating?

Dr Eric Kandel, a pioneer in modern brain science, says you are your memories. He indicates that memories associated with habituated experiences do not leave lasting memories instead it is only the emotionally significant memories that stand out. Dr Kandel refers to these memories as having a highly rewarding or highly punitive stimulus. In other words, we remember mainly the highs and lows or things that are very meaningful in our lives.  For this reason, we are strongly identified with impactful positive and negative memories we have created in our past. If you consider the life of an average middle-class person their lives may be very routine, safe and in some cases monotonous.  What kinds of memories are such people creating?

There are many things people do in an effort to create memories which they will one day reflect back on to give their life meaning and feel satisfied with their existence. Vacations are a perfect example. People go on vacation to create memories and unless it was completely uneventful, will spend far more time thinking about those moments than the amount of time they were actually on vacation. People who have children have many impactful memories as they watch them grow and achieve various milestones. Even when these children grow into adults their parent have graduations, marriage and grandchildren to generate new highlights to remember. If you don’t have children you may try to create memories through impactful experiences such as celebrations or significant social events. Others will have extravagant sexual experiences or focus on business or work-related achievements.

The brain cannot differentiate what you are remembering and what you are experiencing now.   When measured, the same areas of the brain light up when you are looking at an object as when you are imagining or remembering it.  This means our current emotional state is strongly influenced by our memories of the past. Of course, there is also a very practical side to this mental process. It is helpful to remember those experiences that were beneficial and those that caused us pain or difficulty.  Unfortunately, our memories are not reliable and we may remember things much better or worse than they actually were.

So what memories are you creating?  Were those times when you were single and free to do what you pleased really that great? Were your parents or was your childhood really that bad?  It is important to resolve past issues and traumas so you can release them but beyond that, it may help you to try to find balance. If you find yourself craving the good old days it may be time to start living a life that is more stimulating. If you find yourself ruminating on the things that have gone wrong in your life try to look for memories of good moments that you are overlooking.

It is important to recognise that you cannot change the past but you can control how you remember it or what you remember. Secondly, be aware that your current actions will live on in your memories.  Actions taken that you knew were wrong but thought no one would find out will live on in your memory. The revenge you took or the harsh words you said will unlikely feel as gratifying in your memories as in the moment you felt justified in those choices. Finally, the life that you live free of risk but full of routine may have you looking back one day wondering what you did with your life. With these points in mind, it can be a helpful exercise to think about what memories you are creating with the things you are doing right now.