Addressing your inner critic

Each one of us has developed an inner critic. This is a narrator in our mind who criticises our thoughts and actions and sometimes even our feelings. It can take on the characteristics of a scolding parent but generally, it is the negative self-talk that uses negative reinforcement in an apparent attempt to correct our behaviour and keep us safe. It is clearly a psychological mechanism meant to protect and guide us but much like a scolding parent, can cause us emotional harm and stand in the way of our progress.

I have a very strong and well-developed inner critic that asserts itself in a variety of situations. In the past, it really undermined me in all areas of life but now that I am aware of it I can better keep it in check. There are a few areas where it still challenges me: when I play basketball and when I am in an embarrassing situation. Sometimes when my mind wanders and I remember something from the past that I am ashamed of or embarrassed by it can really take over my mind. Fortunately, I now have the tools to stop its negative chatter and redirect my thoughts to something more productive.

Sometimes you can engage the inner critic with logic such as “would you talk to your friends or colleagues this way?” Or you can try a more comforting tone as if you talking to a friend who is down on themselves. However, for many having a dialogue with their inner critic is difficult. For the most part, I use a solution rather than a problem-oriented approach. That is I try to focus on the desired outcome and redirect my negative critical thoughts toward potential solutions. In basketball, instead of getting angry at myself for missing a shot, I may commit to working on that shot in practice or remind myself that I know I can do better I just need to practice.

It is important to keep in mind that thoughts are habitual. Situations will trigger the familiar old criticisms in our thoughts. Sometimes they are messages we heard as a child or they are things we told ourselves at a young age that became a habit. Changing a habit takes time and so does reconditioning your inner critic. A healthy inner critic is one that points out desired change or areas where improvement is needed without belittling, berating or using harsh self-deprecating language. A healthy inner critic can be a useful tool but should resemble a loving parent or patient school teacher rather than an abusive drill sergeant. Perhaps the best analogy would be a sports coach who pushes you to do better but balances this with support and reassurance. When you recognise the inner critic and teach it to be your inner coach you will get out of the way of your success while still having the awareness to learn and improve.