As we get older it can feel more difficult to change. There are many reasons for this. As Dr. Joe Dispenza points out, by the time we reach our mid-thirties roughly 85% of our behaviour is habit. Habits are behaviours we have internalised and automated so changing them can be a challenge. With age, we also tend to identify more strongly with the persona we have developed and feel more self-assured in this version of ourselves. It can also be that we have become comfortable with ourselves, if not complacent. There may be a belief that we are who we are and therefore lack the motivation to change. These factors can influence our belief that we cannot or at least will find it very difficult to change.
The father of modern psychology, Carl Jung, believed that the persona remains malleable even in later years. This is demonstrably true when we look at people who have experienced some physical, emotional, or situational crisis forcing them to rethink who they are and how they live, even later in life. But crisis is not necessary to initiate change only the belief it is possible and the desire to achieve it.
Change is the one constant in life and as I often say awareness allows change. If we remain curious and continue to learn and grow we will change. When we let go of the past and learn to forgive others and ourselves we will change. When we take the time for self-reflection and continue to challenge ourselves we will change. Despite your ingrained habits and preferences, if you are not changing or evolving in some way it is likely due to your own resistance to change.
If you would like to change but don’t think you can then you have options. A coach can certainly make change easier but there are plenty of things you can do on your own. Take steps to be more self-aware. This can be done through journalling or asking people, who you trust to tell you the truth, to give you feedback on your strengths and areas you could improve. Question your preferences. You may have heard the advice to do something daily that scares you but it is enough to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. Having some contrast in your life will help you see things from a new perspective.
I would also like to clarify that I am pointing to inner change. We may feel stuck and in need of something new but arbitrary changes in our circumstances can be a distraction rather than a solution. For example, relationships can be a great catalyst for growth and change. I have learned so much from the relationships I have had over my lifetime. However, some people will seek a new life partner or have an affair because their relationship feels stale. What they may not realise is that they have stagnated and if they pursued inner growth and change their relationship might improve. The same can be true of a job or career. Do the external conditions need to change or do you?
Evolution is a process over long periods of time so change can be difficult to recognise but your inner change will always be reflected in your outer world in some way even if it is subtle. As always the feedback life gives you is happiness or lack of it so use this inner guidance to assess the change you experience. Authentic happiness is the result of becoming who you want to be on a deeper psychological or spiritual level.
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