What can you control?

I’ve been living in Germany for many years now but there are still some behaviours in German culture that I still find annoying. For example, many Germans have difficulty lining up and so they try to merge into the front of the line which then starts to look like a funnel rather than a line. I experience this all the time when I am boarding planes. This goes against the etiquette that I grew up within Canada where people are usually courteous and respectful of other peoples space. It is in such situations that I try to remind myself that I cannot change German culture and if I want to enjoy the many positive elements of living here I will need to come to terms with those things that annoy me.

There are many things that frustrate us and make us unhappy which are completely out of our control. This is particularly true of the behaviour of other people. We cannot control how other people act or react so why do we let this influence how we feel? In this way, we give other people power over us. We allow them to control how we feel or allow them to provoke a response in us. This is especially true in relationships. We give others credit for our happiness and blame for the negative things we may feel. This is not possible. Certainly, other peoples actions can trigger a response in us causing feelings of joy or distress but it is our interpretation of any given situation that creates the feelings.

Recognising what is in your control and what is not is one of the keys to happiness. Eckart Tolle points out that a great deal of our unhappiness comes from our resistance to what is. There is also the famous quote from Reinhold Niebuhr: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” In life, the most empowering thing you can do is to take control of what you can change and do your best to let go of the rest. You will be more successful and a great deal happier with this approach. If you are letting the things in life that you cannot change upset you then you are giving those things or people unnecessary power over you. When you begin to look at the world in this way it can be incredibly liberating.